Uncanny Squirrel Girl
by The Uncanny R-Man
Summary: Chapter 7: Squirrel Girl faces off against her evil clone. Part of the Uncanny Marvel Universe.
1. A Day In The Life

**Uncanny Squirrel Girl**

**Chapter 1: A Day In The Life**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

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**Avengers Mansion-**

Morning had broken at the home of the World's Mightiest Heroes and everybody was preparing for the most important meal of the day: breakfast!

Doreen Green, otherwise known as the fluffy-tailed heroine Squirrel Girl, had just stepped out of the shower. The young mutant Avenger was sitting by her dresser and was brushing her tail with a brush.

'Tch. Having a tail is so much trouble sometimes.' Doreen muttered to herself. Usually Tippy-Toe, Doreen's squirrel companion, would be there for her to talk to, but was presently unavailable. Tippy-Toe, like any normal squirrel, was hibernating for the winter. Doreen missed having her friend to fight crime with, but it wouldn't have been right to force her best friend to go against Mother Nature.

_**KNOCK-KNOCK!**_

Doreen turned her head as she heard somebody knocking on the door.

'Doreen, honey, are you decent?'

It was her mother, Mary Green. Doreen didn't have the heart to leave her mother behind on her one while she went traipsing off fighting crime. Doreen had already gone off without her mother when she joined the Great Lakes Avengers over in Milwaukee. As much as Doreen cared for her former teammates, she really did miss her mother, which was why Mary had moved into Avengers Mansion.

'Just give me a second mom, and I'll be right out.' Doreen called as she put away her brush. With one final check of her reflection in the mirror, Doreen headed over to open the door.

'Morning mom.' Doreen smiled as she joined her mother in the hallway. 'You have a good night's sleep?'

'Oh yes, dear.' Mary nodded. 'The beds are wonderful here. I wonder how Mr Stark does it.'

'Well, Tony does have a lot of money.' Doreen replied. 'And this is his mansion. I guess he likes to splash out on furniture. You know, the most comfortable beds available.'

'Have you got anything special planned for the day, dear?' Mary asked as she walked down the hallway. 'Jarvis asked me to accompany him downtown to do some shopping.'

'I'd love to come with you mom, but I've got a lot of studying to do.' Doreen explained. Unfortunately, Doreen wasn't able to attend a regular college due to her mutation. She would have been targeted by mutant-hating bigots otherwise. She would have gone to the Xavier Institute, but being an X-Man wasn't really her thing. She much preferred being an Avenger. Fortunately, she was able to study safely at the mansion over the Internet. Tony Stark had managed to get her an online scholarship.

'I don't mean to nag you, but don't you think that it would be a good idea to get a job?' Mary asked. 'It wouldn't be right to rely on Mr Stark all the time.'

'I know that mom, but who would let somebody like me work for them?' Doreen answered. 'It isn't as bad as it used to be, but people are still wary of mutants. I tried to get a job at a bakery, but they refused to hire me because they said my tail would shed on the food.'

'Perhaps one of your teammates could get you a job.' Mary suggested. 'You get on well with Jennifer Walters, why not become an intern with her law firm?'

'I don't know, mom…' Doreen frowned slightly. 'I've never been all that interesting in law. Sure, I love fighting crime, but I don't want to be a lawyer.'

'Well, we can talk about this later.' Mary said. 'Let's have breakfast first, shall we?'

Doreen just nodded and headed downstairs where the rest of the Avengers would be waiting for her.

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**Later-**

All of the Avengers were gathered at the dining table for breakfast and were enjoying their respective meals. Doreen was tucking into several slices of toast with lots of peanut butter spread all over.

'So Doreen, I your mother tells me that you're looking for a job.' Captain America looked at the young mutant. 'Have you found anywhere yet?'

'I haven't even started looking, Cap.' Squirrel Girl explained. 'I only decided to start looking for a job this morning.'

'I'm sure there's a place going at Stark Technologies.' Tony Stark offered. 'Why don't you come work for me? We could benefit with somebody like you working there. A smart kid like you could go far.'

'That's a lovely suggestion, but I have to refuse.' Doreen responded. 'You've already done so much for me letting me move in here rent-free.'

'You could always come work with me.' Janet Van Dyne suggested. 'I'm always looking for a good assistant. Plus, you could help me design your new costume.'

'You're really kind, but I can't…' Doreen explained. 'I'd really prefer to get a job by myself. I don't want to impose on you.'

'Impose nothing, honey.' Jan smiled. 'You'll love working with me. You'll get to help me design all those clothes. You never know, you might end up designing somebody's wedding dress like I did for Sue Richards. Have we got any weddings coming up?'

'I think the X-Men are due a wedding.' Peter Parker shrugged. 'Those guys are always at it.'

'So, what do you say?' Jan asked. 'Will you come work with me?'

'Okay, I guess…' Doreen smiled slightly.

**BLEE-BLEE-BLEE!**

Doreen looked at her beeping watch and gasped in realisation.

'Oh gosh, I almost forgot! I'm meeting Robbie in a couple of minutes. Sorry, you'll have to excuse me.' Doreen smiled in embarrassment as she got up from the table and headed towards the door. 'I'm really sorry about this, but I really have to go.'

'It's okay, sweetie.' Mary smiled. 'You head on out.' Jan couldn't help but smile at that.

'Aww, isn't young love sweet?'

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**A little later-**

Fortunately, Doreen wasn't late to meet her friend Robbie. She was right on time as a matter of fact. Her friend was no regular boy, however. Robbie Baldwin was better known as the superhero Speedball, charter member of the New Warriors.

'So, you're gonna work for Janet Van Dyne, huh?' Robbie said as he walked down the street with Doreen. 'I never knew you were into fashion.'

'I'm not really interested in fashion.' Doreen explained. 'I do like to try new things, though. You never know, I might like working in fashion.'

'Yeah, a few years down the line you might end up with your own label.' Robbie grinned. 'Just imagine it: Doreen Green's clothes being worn in Paris and Milan. You'll be rich!'

'Oh gosh, stop it.' Doreen blushed slightly. 'I haven't even started the job and you're already predicting that I'm going to be a world famous designer.'

'Hey, is it wrong to have faith in my girl?' Robbie smiled as he put his arm around Doreen's shoulder.

'Am I really your girl?' Doreen asked, her blush deepening.

'Oh yeah, there's nobody else for me.' Robbie nodded.

'Oh, stop it.' Doreen giggled as she pushed Robbie away. 'You're kidding around.'

'No, I'm serious.' Robbie reassured her. 'I love being with you, Doreen. Whenever I'm with you the world just seems like a better place.'

'You're really sweet, Robbie.' Doreen smiled.

'Yeah, but you're even sweeter.' Robbie replied as he leant in to kiss Doreen. Unfortunately, the pair's lips never even had a chance to brush against each other as the sound of explosions could be heard several blocks away.

_**KABOOM!**_

'Talk about bad timing.' Robbie sighed as straightened up. 'What do you say? You wanna go kick some butt?' Doreen couldn't help but smile at that.

'Do I even have to say it?'

With that the pair headed off to fight crime once more.

**TBC…**

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**Next: First Day Blues**

_Squirrel Girl has her first day working with Janet Van Dyne. All seems to be going well until Whirlwind drops in for a visit._


	2. First Day Blues: Part 1

**Uncanny Squirrel Girl**

**Chapter 2: First Day Blues- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

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**Avengers Mansion-**

Doreen Green hurried along to the parking garage underneath the mansion where a car was waiting to take her to her first day at work. Janet Van Dyne had kindly offered to take Doreen on as an assistant. The fluffy-tailed heroine was more than happy to help her friend. Besides, it meant that she didn't have to scrounge off her teammates. The young mutant preferred to earn money on her own, not have her teammates pay for anything.

Upon reaching the parking garage, Doreen noticed that Jan was already there waiting for her.

'Oh gosh, I'm not late am I?' The adorably buck-toothed girl grimaced. 'I'm so sorry. I didn't mean…'

'Don't worry.' Jan reassured her young friend. 'You're not late. You're right on time, as a matter of fact.'

'Is this your car?' Doreen asked as she looked at the shiny red car parked beside her. 'Jeepers. It must have cost a lot.'

'Work hard enough and you could have one of your own.' Jan smiled. 'Although, I wouldn't think red is your colour. How about green?'

'I don't even know how to drive.' Doreen admitted. 'I used to have my Squirrel-a-jig, but that's back with my old friends in the Great Lakes Champions.'

'Oh, is that what they're called now?' Jan asked. 'Those people go through more name changes than Hank does.'

Jan opened the passenger door so Doreen could get in.

'I bet you're pretty excited about your first day at work.' The brunette fashion designer grinned as she walked around to the driver's side and got in. 'Or nervous. One or the other. There's nothing to be nervous about. I'm not going to drop you in the deep end and ask you to design anything straight away. We're going to start off nice and easy. You know, introduce you to everybody.'

'What will they say when they find out I'm a mutant?' Doreen blinked, indicating her tail. 'Won't they be angry?'

'I wouldn't think so.' Jan shook her head. 'If they have a bug in their butt about mutants, then they'll just have to get used to it. I wouldn't worry too much. They're working with a woman who can shrink and sprout insect wings.'

Jan started up the car and headed out of the parking garage.

'Oh, and one more thing…' Jan remembered. 'Every Friday we draw names out of a hat to see who buys drinks after work. It's your first day, so you don't have to throw your name in unless you want to.'

'Gosh no.' Doreen shook her head. 'I don't want any special treatment. Although, I am underage. I'm not twenty-one yet.'

'Lucky for you, then.' Jan sighed nostalgically. 'I wish I was young again…'

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**Later-**

The car containing Doreen and Jan pulled up outside the Van Dyne Designs building, the clothing line that Jan owned. The pair stepped out of the car and headed on inside.

'Morning, Liz.' Jan smiled at the receptionist.

'Morning, Ms Van Dyne.' Liz, the brunette spectacle-wearing receptionist smiled back. 'Who's your friend?'

'This is Doreen.' Jan introduced her friend. 'She's my new assistant.'

'Hi.' Doreen smiled sweetly, waving shyly.

'I love your tail.' Liz complimented, indicating Doreen's tail.

'Oh, yeah. It's pretty neat.' Doreen nodded. 'It keeps me warm.'

'We'll both talk to you later, okay Liz?' Jan said. 'Oh, and hold my calls, will you? I've got to show Doreen around.'

Liz nodded in understanding and went back to her work.

Jan led Doreen over to an elevator that would take her up several floors to the main hub of the building, where all the work was done.

Jan pressed the button to summon the elevator and the doors and the pair stepped inside. Before the doors could close however, two more people, a woman with long black hair, and an attractive redheaded woman, stepped inside.

'Morning, Jan.' The redhead smiled.

'Morning, Carrie.' Jan smiled back. 'Morning, Donna. This is Doreen, she's my new assistant.'

'Oh wow, I love your tail.' Donna, the woman with the black hair, smiled. 'Are you a mutant or something?'

'Umm… yes.' Doreen nodded, somewhat nervously. She hoped that Donna wouldn't have a problem with her being a mutant. 'Is that a problem?'

'Oh, no.' Donna shook her head. 'I don't have any beef with mutants. Sure, there are some bad ones out there, but that doesn't mean that all mutants are bad, right?' Doreen smiled at that.

'Donna's my photographer.' Jan explained. 'Carrie's one of my models. She has the honour of wearing the clothes that we design here.'

'Plus, I get them half price.' Carrie grinned proudly. 'Employee discount.'

'No offence or anything, but finding clothes that fit must be difficult for you.' Donna said. 'You know, what with the tail and all.'

'Oh gosh, you wouldn't believe how difficult it is!' Doreen nodded. 'I have to cut holes in regular clothes so my tail can fit through. The less said about swimwear, the better.'

'Why don't we start designing clothes for people with tails?' Jan suggested. 'I know they'd be pretty popular. Just look how many people we know who have tails. It would cost a fortune on unstable molecules. We could put your name on the clothes.'

'Wow, do you really think so?' Doreen asked. 'My own clothes line?'

'Just think of it…' Jan smiled as she put her arm around her young friend's shoulders. 'This time next year you could be a millionaire!'

* * *

**Later still-**

The quartet had exited the elevator and went about their work. Jan had introduced Doreen to everybody. There was Mike, another photographer. Jenny and Rachel were two more of the models that Jan employed. Then there was Eddie, Cissie, and Steph. They were general assistants. They went for coffee, picked up the mail, whatever Jan needed them to do.

Jan and Doreen were standing at a big table with Cissie. They wer about to start designing Doreen's clothes line for those that had tails.

'I think we'd better start simple.' Jan said as she tapped a pencil on her chin thoughtfully. 'What about pants?'

'I find it hard to find jeans that fit me.' Doreen suggested. 'I don't like having to cut up stuff so my tail can fit.'

'Right, jeans it is then.' Jan nodded. 'Cissie, can you get me some denim samples?'

'Right away, Jan.' The blonde-haired gofer nodded as she headed off to the room where the material samples were kept.

'I don't really think blue is really your colour.' Jan said as she began to sketch out an idea. 'I think greens and browns are more your colour.'

'I didn't think you could get jeans in those colours.' Doreen said.

'Then let's make some jeans in green.' Jan said. 'Regular blue denim is so passé!'

Jan had almost completed her sketch when the building was rocked by a series of explosions down the street.

_**BOOM!**_

'What the…?!' Jan yelped as the explosion made her drawing hand jump, scribbling over the sketch.

'I think it's that hurricane guy.' Rachel announced as she peered out of the window to get a better look. 'Whirlwind, or something.'

'Oh, that's just great.' Jan sighed heavily. 'There's a bad guy attacking and it isn't even time for lunch.'

**TBC…**

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Next: First Day Blues- Part 2

_Squirrel Girl and the Wasp Vs Whirlwind. 'Nuff said._


	3. First Day Blues: Part 2

**Uncanny Squirrel Girl**

**Chapter 3: First Day Blues**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

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**Manhattan-**

It was another typical day in Manhattan. A super-villain was on the rampage. It seemed like a super-villain was always on the rampage in the city. Either that or an alien invasion. It couldn't have been an alien invasion causing all the fuss right now, they only ever happened on Tuesday.

'Come out, come out wherever you are…' The super-villain known as Whirlwind taunted. 'I know you're in there, Janet. I only want to talk.'

As well as being a mutant that could spin at great speeds, David Cannon was quite the nutcase. He was obsessed with Janet Van Dyne, also known as the veteran Avenger the Wasp. Cannon had faced Janet and Hank Pym many times over the years. No matter how many times the pair beat him, Cannon still couldn't get it into his head that Janet was in no way interested in him at all.

'Come on Janet!' Whirlwind yelled. 'You can't deny your feelings forever! You know you want to be with me! I will make you mine if it's the last thing I do…'

_**ZAPT!**_

'Ahh! What the hell?' Whirlwind growled as an insect-sized Janet zapped him with her Wasp's Sting. 'So, you want to play tough, huh? I'll show you how to play tough!'

Whirlwind lashed out and grabbed the mini Janet in his hand.

'Not so tough without Pym, are you?' Whirlwind grinned.

'I can look after myself perfectly well without Hank looking over my shoulder.' Jan retorted. 'Although, I would like you to meet a friend of mine.'

'Huh?' Whirlwind blinked as he looked upwards just in time to receive a boot to the face.

'You really need to learn about personal boundaries.' Squirrel Girl quipped as she somersaulted onto the hood of a car. 'What do you say you walk into the nearest police station and hand yourself in? Make everything easier for yourself.'

'This has nothing to do with you, kid!' Whirlwind snapped back. 'This is between me and Janet! She loves me, and there's nothing you can do about it!'

'You disgust me, Cannon.' The Wasp grimaced as she returned to human size. 'No matter how many times Hank or I beat you, you can't get it into your thick little skull that I _do not love you_! You are a laughing stock! Even the other bad guys laugh at you behind your back! Do you ever wonder why you never get invited to any of the times the Masters of Evil reform?'

'You must get peeved if people like Boomerang get invited back all the time.' Squirrel Girl pointed out. 'Although, he does have a pretty neat gimmick. He's kind of like that Gambit guy, but with boomerangs.'

'_**Grraaagh! **_I'll trash you both!' Whirlwind bellowed as he began to spin around.

'Do you think we ticked him off?' Squirrel Girl winced as she dashed out of the way. 'Do you think it was such a good idea to try and make him angry?'

'If he gets angry, there's a better chance of him making a mistake.' Jan explained as she shrunk down to insect size again.

Whirlwind began to spin around faster and faster until he had created a huge funnel of air reaching up to the sky.

'Jeepers. We really must have ticked him off.' Squirrel Girl said as she grabbed hold of a lamppost in an attempt to anchor herself to the ground. Unfortunately, the Wasp wasn't so fortunate. She was sucked into the column of air.

'Jan! No!' Squirrel Girl called out as she tried to reach her teammate. 'I have to help her. Just as soon as I can think of a way to stop him.'

Squirrel Girl searched her memory for a way to stop whirlwind. Ever since she had joined the Avengers, the young heroine had spent hour upon hour studying all the files the Avengers had on their different enemies. Then a thought struck her. Whirlwind's armour was partially powered by a power pack mounted on his back. Unfortunately, there was only one way Squirrel Girl could reach the power source to Whirlwind's armour: she had to let go of the lamppost and jump into the cyclone he had conjured.

'This is a really bad idea…' Squirrel Girl muttered as she squinted her eyes closed. She let go of the lamppost and allowed herself to be sucked up into the spout of air.

'_Thiiiissss iiisss aaaa rrreeeaaalllyy baaaad iiideeeaaa…_' Squirrel Girl grimaced as she was buffeted by the winds in the funnel of air.

Squirrel Girl gritted he teeth as she tried to reach out to grab the power source of Whirlwind's armour. Her claws easily dug into the power pack's casing and tore it away from the armour.

_**CHUNK!**_

'Oop!' The young mutant girl yelped as she was deposited rather unceremoniously on the ground. She reached out to catch a still insect-sized Wasp. 'Jan, are you okay?'

'I think I'm going to be sick…' Jan grimaced as she leant over Squirrel Girl's hand. '_**HORK!**_'

Squirrel Girl subdued her look of disgust and looked over at Whirlwind.

'Dammit! You've ruined everything!' Whirlwind howled. '_Everything!_'

'Oh, shush!' Squirrel Girl rolled her eyes. 'We beat you. Get over it.'

'I'll kill you!' Whirlwind howled as he charged at the two heroines.

'Sorry about this, Jan.' Squirrel Girl grimaced as she tossed the still-dizzy Wasp at the villain.

'Perhaps this will help you understand.' The Wasp grumbled as she zapped Whirlwind with her bio-sting right between the eyes.

'_**GYAAAAH!!**_'

'Ouch.' Squirrel Girl grimaced. 'That was nasty.'

'Hey, I tried to warn him.' The Wasp shrugged. 'Cannon's only got himself to blame.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

In a warehouse somewhere in the Red Hook district of New York, evil plans were afoot. The criminal mastermind known as the Owl was holding court with the rest of his minions.

'Has anybody else seen the front page story of today's Bugle?' The Owl asked his minions.

'I dunno, boss.' One of the minions answered. 'I'm more of a Globe guy.'

'Take a look!' The Owl yelled as he slammed the newspaper on the table in front of his minions. Right on the front page was a story about Squirrel Girl taking down a drug ring.

'Who is this Squirrel Girl?' The Owl asked. 'Where the hell did she come from?'

'Don't you remember, boss?' Another minion reminded him. 'Squirrel Girl's one of the Avengers. She beat Doctor Doom once. Plus, she and Daredevil busted up that deal with those alien guys a while ago.' **(1)**

'That ain't true.' Minion Number One sniffed. 'That's just an urban myth.'

'I don't care if she's an Avenger or not!' The Owl spat. 'She's going to pay for costing me all that money! Do you have any idea how much it costs to set up a drug ring like that?'

'I dunno, boss.' Minion Number Two shrugged. 'I ain't too good with numbers.'

'Idiots!' The Owl threw his hands up in exasperation. 'Just find her and bring her to me! I'll show her what happens when an owl catches its prey…'

**TBC…**

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**Next: Attack of the Owl**

_The Owl begins his plan of revenge._

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**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Squirrel Girl and Speedball teamed up with Daredevil and Wolfsbane to prevent the Owl from dealing drugs made from Skrull DNA in '_Uncanny Team-Up'_._


	4. Attack of the Owl: Part 1

**Uncanny Squirrel Girl**

**Chapter 4: Attack of the Owl- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

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**Manhattan-**

Doreen Green wrapped her scarf tighter around her neck as she walked through the streets of Manhattan. She could have easily wrapped her tail around herself to keep warm, but that would have only caused a fuss. Mutants like Doreen were hated and feared, after all. Doreen had decided to hide her bushy tail with an image inducer. If it was good enough for X-Men like Nightcrawler and the Beast, then it was good enough for her.

The young mutant rubbed her hands together in an attempt to get warm. Even through her thick gloves, she was still cold. Fortunately, the errand Jarvis had sent her on would only take a while and she would soon be back in front of a nice roaring fire in Avengers Mansion.

'_Chrt!_' Tippy-Toe, Doreen's squirrel companion, squeaked grumpily from Doreen's bag.

'I know it's cold, Tippy-Toe.' Doreen told her friend. 'But Jarvis really needs some mustard. You know how Cap likes his ham sandwiches with mustard.'

'_Chrk!_' Tippy-Toe grumbled.

'If you didn't want to come along, then you should have kept on hibernating.' Doreen responded.

Tippy-Toe squeaked something unpleasant under her breath and dug down into the nether regions of Doreen's bag. It wasn't particularly warm in there, but it would do until they returned home. There might even have been a bag of peanuts that Doreen had forgotten.

A black van screeched to a halt beside Doreen and several masked men jumped out armed with baseball bats and knives.

'Don't smash her too hard.' One of the goons reminded his fellows. 'The boss wants her in one piece.'

'Heh-heh. This is gonna be sweet.' Another goon chuckled evilly. 'We're gonna stomp all over Squirrel Girl.'

'I really don't have time to deal with this, gentlemen.' Doreen told the goons. 'I would really rather take care of my errands. I might be available for fisticuffs the same time tomorrow.'

'Get her!' The lead goon yelled. The other goons dashed at Doreen, but the young heroine easily jumped out of the way.

'Now, that was just rude.' Doreen tutted from her position hanging on to a nearby lamppost. 'Why do people always have to be so rude?'

'_Rraaaaagh!_' One of the goons yelled as he charged at Doreen. The bushy-tailed heroine lifted her legs up out of the way. The goon carried on running and collided with the lamppost she was hanging from.

_**SPANG!**_

'Ooh, down I go...' The dazed goon mumbled before hitting the ground.

'Tch. That was just careless.' Doreen shook her head as she deactivated her image inducer. 'Well, it seems you gents seem pretty intent on fighting me. I don't suppose I could convince you to reconsider?'

_**SNIKT!**_

One of the goons brandished a flick knife and charged at Squirrel Girl. The bushy-tailed heroine grabbed the goon by the hand and flipped him on to his back, sending the knife skittering into a drain.

'Running at me with a knife is hardly fair, is it?' Squirrel Girl sighed as she swept the feet from underneath yet another goon. 'Somebody should really talk to you guys about fair play.'

One of the goons swung a baseball bat at Squirrel Girl's head, only for her to catch it and push it back at the villain brandishing it.

_**CRACK!**_

'If you're going to bring weapons to a fight, you really should learn how to keep hold of them.' Squirrel Girl tutted as she tossed the baseball bat over her shoulder, hitting another goon on the head, knocking him out.

_**CLONK!**_

'Whoops. Did I do that?' Squirrel Girl grimaced. 'I am ever so sorry. You guys could have prevented all this silliness if you gave up your lives of crime and went straight.'

The lead goon grabbed hold of Doreen and began to drag her towards the van.

'Hey, watch the hands!' Doreen yelped. 'That isn't nice!'

'Shut her up, will ya!' The very annoyed lead goon commanded one of his minions.

_**CRACK!**_

One of the remaining goons hit Doreen over the head with a cosh, subduing her for the journey back to the Owl.

'You wouldn't think such a little kid woulda caused so much trouble.' One of the goons sniffed.

'Appearances can be deceivin', Bill.' The lead goon countered. 'This little kid is one of the most feared heroes out there.'

'What, even more than Daredevil or the Punisher, Frank?' Bill enquired.

'Oh, you got no idea.' Frank shook his head. 'This kid's taken down some of the baddest bad guys around.'

'Aww, that's nothin' but an urban myth.' Bill snorted. 'She couldn't have taken down Doctor Doom on her own… could she?'

Unseen by the goons driving away in the van, Tippy-Toe had seen the whole thing. She had been too involved with a discarded packet of nuts she had found in Doreen's bag to help in the fight. She had to do something to rescue her friend. A gang of bad guys would have been too much for one little squirrel. She had to go find the rest of Doreen's friends in the Avengers!

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

'Now Volstagg, that is just uncouth.' Fandral the Dashing rolled his eyes as he took a swig from his flagon of ale. 'The Avengers were kind enough to offer us board, and you are eating them out of house and home.'

'How else would he live up to the name of Volstagg the Voluminous?' Hogun the Grim grumbled as he sharpened his spear.

'You are one to talk, Fandral.' Volstagg retorted. 'Who is the one that is drinking all of the ale?

'This… Budweiser is indeed a fine brew.' Fandral complimented as he read the label of the empty bottle. 'Aye, it barely compares to the fair brew of Asgard, but it is sufficient to slake my thirst.'

The Warriors Three had come to Avengers Mansion to visit Squirrel Girl and to seek adventure in fair Midgard. Where better to seek adventure then with the World's Mightiest Heroes?

The trio of Asgardian heroes had first met the young heroine when she and several other Avengers travelled to Asgard in order to assist Thor in rescuing Sif from the clutches of Ymir the frost giant. **(1)**

'_Chrt chrt!_'

The Warriors Three looked up form their sustenance to see Tippy-Toe standing on the window sill.

'Ho, Tippy-Toe!' Fandral raised his flagon. 'You seem worried. What ails you? Is it Doreen? She is not with you.'

'If Doreen is in danger, then we must rescue her from the clutches of the foul miscreant that has captured her!' Hogun got up from his seat, tightening his grip on his spear.

Volstagg nodded as he threw the remains of his turkey leg upon the table. 'Come fellows, to adventure!'

**TBC…**

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**Next: Attack of the Owl- Part 2**

_Will the Warriors Three be able to rescue Squirrel Girl from the clutches of the Owl before it is too late? Tune in next time to find out._

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**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_The Warriors Three first met Squirrel Girl in the '_Squirrel Girl's Asgardian _Adventure' arc of '_The Uncanny Avengers'_._


	5. Attack of the Owl: Part 2

**Uncanny Squirrel Girl**

**Chapter 5: Attack of the Owl- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

**Disclaimer- **_All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

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**Red Hook-**

In a warehouse somewhere in the Red Hook district of New York, the criminal mastermind known as the Owl was gloating over the capture of one of his foes. The avian crime boss had grown fed up with Squirrel Girl ruining his criminal schemes, so he had ordered his minions to capture her. Right now the fluffy-tailed heroine was tied to a chair in the middle of the warehouse that the Owl was using as his lair.

'You won't get away with this, Owlsley!' Squirrel Girl snapped at the mutant crimelord as she struggled to get free. 'Once the other Avengers find out that I'm missing, they'll come down on you like a ton of bricks!'

'By the time they discover where I'm hiding, I will already be gone.' The Owl retorted. 'And you my dear, will be dead.'

'What're you gonna do with her, boss?' One of the Owl's thugs enquired. 'You gonna put a bullet between her eyes?'

'Naw, he's gonna torture her a bit.' A second minion responded with a chuckle. 'Have some fun first.'

'What do you think I'm going to do, idiots?' The Owl snorted in derision. 'What do owls usually do to annoying little rodents?' The truth slowly began to dawn of the Owl's two dim-witted minions.

'Aww, man. That ain't right.' Minion 1 grimaced.

'You should really try eating healthy.' Squirrel Girl piped up. 'My mom makes a wonderful nut cutlet. I could give you the recipe if you want.'

'Shut up!' The Owl spat at his prey. 'I hate it when my dinner talks!'

The Owl leant in close to Squirrel Girl. The bushy-tailed heroine grimaced at the foul stench emanating from the villain's mouth. He was obviously a stranger to dental hygiene.

However, before the Owl could dined upon fresh Squirrel Girl, something came crashing through the warehouse's wall.

_**KRAKOOM!**_

Through all the dust and masonry, arguing could be heard coming from Squirrel Girl's would-be rescuers.

'I told you not to be so eager with the acceleration pedal!'

'Well, I am rather new to this driving business. Besides, the vehicle was far too small.'

'Stop arguing, you two. We have a maiden to rescue, remember?'

Squirrel Girl instantly recognised the voices of those that had come to rescue her.

'Fandral! Volstagg! Hogun!'

'_Chrt-chrt!_'

'Tippy-Toe!' Squirrel Girl beamed. 'You've all come to rescue me!'

'What do you say we show these varlets what happens when you attack a compatriot of the Warriors Three?' Fandral the Dashing asked his fellows as they emerged from the vehicle.

'I think a smiting is in order, eh Hogun?' Volstagg the Voluminous grinned as he cracked his knuckles.

'Indeed.' Hogun the Grim nodded. 'Hand over the fair maiden and you will receive the barest minimum beating.'

'Go to Hell!' The Owl retorted as he pulled out a gun. 'Kill them!'

The owl's two minions pulled out guns of their own and opened fire on the Warriors Three.

_**BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!**_

'Oh look, they have guns.' Fandral chuckled as the bullets harmlessly ricocheted off his chest. 'You really have never been in battle with those from Asgard, have you?'

'How quaint.' Volstagg smirked. 'Those tiny little weapons will do you no good against the Lion of Asgard, mortals.' Volstagg upended a table with a swift kick, sending it crashing against Minion 1.

_**CRUNCH!**_

'Don't hit them too hard!' Squirrel Girl told her Asgardian friends. 'They might be nasty men, but they're still mortal.'

'Well, it looks like I won't be needing this.' Hogun sighed as he put away his mace. 'Pity. I was looking forward to using it, too.'

'_Raaaagh!_' Minion 2 charged at Hogun with a knife drawn.

'Tch. Mortals.' Hogun sighed as he sent Minion 2 sprawling with a swift backhand.

_**SMITE!**_

'Well, it looks like your minions are defeated, villain.' Fandral warned the Owl, pointing his sword at the villain. 'I would recommend that you surrender.'

'I for one am hoping that he refuses.' Volstagg chuckled. 'I was looking forward to a worthy battle. 'These minions were barely worth the efforts of the mighty Volstagg.'

The Owl pulled out a knife and held it against Squirrel Girl's throat.

'One more step and I'll gut your friend like a fish!' The Owl threatened. 'I mean it!'

'Oh, be quiet!' Squirrel Girl sighed as she knocked the Owl down with an uppercut to the chin. The bushy-tailed heroine shrugged off her bonds and turned to regard the defeated villain. While the Warriors Three had been dealing with the minions, Tippy-Toe had chewed through the ropes holding Squirrel Girl.

'_Chrt-chrt!_' Tippy-Toe squeaked as she hopped onto her human friend's shoulders.

'I think he's been beaten up enough today.' Squirrel Girl told her fuzzy friend. 'All that's left to do now is leave these men for the police.'

'I'll get you for this…' The Owl groaned as he struggled to get to his feet.

'Did you not hear the fair maiden?' Fandrall asked. 'She requested that you to remain silent.'

_**BONK!**_

The dashing Asgardian subdued the Owl with a swift smack on the head.

'Oh, no! I totally forgot!' Squirrel Girl grimaced as she clutched her face in regret. 'Jarvis wanted me to get him some mustard! He'll be so mad once he finds out that I didn't get him any!'

'I am sure that Jarvis will forgive you once he realises why you did not purchase any of this mustard for him.' Fandrall said. 'We could always find some of this mustard on the way back to the mansion.'

'Then let us all board the automobile!' Volstagg beamed. 'Come fellows, to the store!'

'Doreen should drive this time.' Hogun stated. 'She will not destroy half of New York.'

'I merely destroyed one bus shelter.' Volstagg explained. 'It was not as if anybody was seriously hurt.'

* * *

**Elsewhere-**

In a shadowy sanctum somewhere in Asgard, Loki the God of Mischief, was surveying the whole battle with the Owl and his minions.

'Hmm, this Squirrel Girl seems to be quite the warrior.' Loki chuckled to himself. 'She is rather close to my dim-witted brother as well. It has been such a long time since I last visited Midgard. Perhaps it is time I caused her some mischief…'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Tears of a Clone**

_Loki travels to fair Midgard to cause Squirrel Girl some mischief. His plan: Create an evil copy of the bushy-tailed heroine. Witness the rise of Dark Squirrel Girl!_


	6. Tears of a Clone: Part 1

**Uncanny Squirrel Girl**

**Chapter 6: Tears of a Clone- Part 1**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

* * *

**Castle Doom, Latveria-**

Loki, the Asgardian God of Mischief, looked around at all the machines and devices in Doctor Doom's lab. Loki had called upon Doom to assist him in his latest quest for mischief.

'This is quite some laboratory you have here, my dear Doctor.' Loki said as he gazed into the inert electronic eyes of a disassembled Doombot. 'Surely all this isn't just to wreak revenge on Reed Richards and his family.'

'Doom does have a life outside of proving himself superior to Richards.' Doom stated.

'Hmm, quite.' Loki sniffed. 'So, is everything prepared? You have the biological specimen necessary for the procedure?'

'All is ready.' Doom nodded in confirmation. 'The clone will reach maturity momentarily. I trust this plan of yours will not interfere with those of our group of like-minded individuals.' **(1)**

'Don't worry, Victor.' Loki reassured his companion. 'This is just a little distraction while we prepare our main plan of attack.'

Loki peered up at the giant glass tank with a figure floating within. A figure with a great big fluffy tail. 'Say, how ever did you gain access to Squirrel Girl's DNA?'

'Doom is always prepared.' The not-so-fair doctor stated.

'Fine, be ambiguous if you wish.' Loki shrugged. 'How long with this take? I have other plans of mischief to attend to, you know.'

'The clone is complete.' Doom responded as he signalled to a pair of Doombots standing by waiting for orders. 'Doombots, extract the subject from the cloning tank.'

The two robots did as they were ordered and removed the clone from the tank. Doom then directed them over to a workbench where the clone would be given its orders.

'You had better hope that this plan of yours does not end in the target's demise.' Doom stated as he plugged electrodes into the clone's forehead. 'Nobody is to defeat Squirrel Girl but Doom'.

'Yes, yes. We all know about your defeat at her hands.' **(2) **Loki rolled his eyes with a sigh. 'Honestly, you'd think you would have learned to share by now.'

'Doom shares with no man. God or mortal.' Doctor Doom told his ally. 'You would do well to remember that, Loki.'

Loki let out a long impatient breath. 'Is the clone ready yet?'

'The Squirrel Girl clone is complete.' Doom said. 'She awaits your orders, Loki.'

'Excellent.' Loki grinned happily. 'I have the perfect place to start…'

* * *

**Manhattan, meanwhile-**

Unaware of the goings-on many miles away in Latveria, Squirrel Girl enjoyed lunch with her new protégée, Hildy, one of Volstagg's many children whom had been sent to Earth in a hope that spending time amongst the mortals would sooth her short temper.

'Mmm, what is this drink?' Hildy enquired as she slurped down the remains of her beverage.

'That's soda, Hildy.' Squirrel Girl told her young friend. 'Pepsi to be more specific.'

'I like this Pepsi.' Hildy stated as she threw the cardboard cup down to the ground. 'I would like more!'

_**SPLOT!**_

The little plastic top popped off the cup and spilled the remaining ice over the floor. Squirrel Girl knelt down to clean up the spilled ice.

'Umm, Hildy… On Earth we don't throw down our empty drink cartons when we're finished with them.' Squirrel Girl explained. 'That's why we he have free refills. You keep the cup and can have as many sodas as you want.'

'I still have a lot to get used to in Midgard.' Hildy sighed. 'When do we start fighting villains?'

'I thought I'd show you around before we start any training.' Squirrel Girl reminded her friend. 'Besides, I don't think your parents would like it if you got into trouble.'

'But I thought Midgard was full of adventure and villains that needed smiting.' Hildy sighed. 'Are you saying that all the stories my father told me are not true?'

'Well, life here isn't action all the time.' Squirrel Girl said. 'Most of the time we just sit around waiting for something exciting to happen.'

_**BADOOM!**_

The sound of an explosion several blocks away made Squirrel Girl and Hildy sit up straight.

'Well, it looks like you'll get your wish sooner than you thought.' Squirrel Girl said as she jumped to her feet. 'Follow my lead, okay?'

* * *

**Several blocks away-**

_**BUDDABUDDABUDDA!**_

The villain known as Stilt-Man opened fire with his wrist-mounted blasters.

'You cops ain't got no chance against my new wrist blasters!' Stilt-Man bellowed as he opened fire on the police officers that had arrived in an attempt to halt his crime spree. 'I ain't a loser with mechanical legs now! I'm new and improved!'

Unseen by the rampaging villain, Squirrel Girl and Hildy were watching him from the roof of a department store a short distance away.

'Who is that villain with the mechanical legs?' Hildy enquired. 'Is he one of Midgard's fiercest villains? Oh, I hope he his.'

'Well, Wilbur Day isn't exactly feared in Midgard.' Squirrel Girl told her friend. 'He's tangled with a lot of heroes over the years, but most of the time he fights Daredevil. I really have to talk to Horn-Head about his rogue's gallery.'

'You know this Daredevil person?' Hildy enquired.

'Well, we teamed up once.' Squirrel Girl remembered. 'The Owl was trying to deal drugs made from the DNA of the Super-Skrull'. **(3)**

'The Owl? Super-Skrull?' Hildy blinked in confusion. 'I do not know any of these people.'

'I'll show you the files the Avengers keep on villains once we're done.' Squirrel Girl promised her young protégée. 'Now come on, let's go fight some bad guys!'

Hildy followed her mentor's lead as they leapt down from the roof of the store.

'That's enough now, Mister Day.' Squirrel Girl called up to the villain. 'Let's leave the police alone and put down the bags of money, okay?'

Stilt-Man spun around and aimed his wrist blasters at whoever it was that was foolish enough to try and stop him. His face went pale when he saw who it was that was talking to him.

'Aww, hell no…' The armour-plated villain grimaced. 'What have I done to deserve this? Not you! Not Squirrel Girl!'

'Enough talking!' Hildy growled as she unsheathed her sword. 'Have at you, villain!'

'Hildy, no!' Squirrel Girl yelled as she tried to put out a hand to stop the young Asgardian, but she was too late. Hildy was already upon the villain.

_**SHUNK!**_

Hildy sliced through one of Stilt-Man's telescopic legs, making the villain lose his balance and topple down to the ground. Stilt-Man let out a howl of terror as he toppled forwards.

'_Aaaaugh!_'

_**CRUNCH!**_

The villain fell face-first through the windshield of an abandoned car. Squirrel Girl raced forward to check that the fallen villain wasn't hurt too badly. Luckily, her vigilance was rewarded as Stilt-Man let out a pained groan.

'_Oww…'_

'Hildy, you could have seriously hurt him.' Squirrel Girl admonished her protégée sternly. 'This is precisely why I was supposed to look after you. You can't just charge into a fight without thinking. What if he shot you? What would I tell Volstagg then?'

A suitably cowed Hildy bowed her head at her mentor's strong words.

'I am sorry.' Hildy apologised. 'I did not want to just sit around while the villain could have hurt innocent bystanders.'

'Well, your heart was in the right place, I guess.' Squirrel Girl sighed as she put a comforting arm around her protégée's shoulders. 'Come on, let's head home…'

* * *

**Meanwhile again-**

Mrs Green walked through the crowed streets of Manhattan with arms full of shopping bags. She had tried to hail a taxi, but there was apparently some sort of superhuman altercation going on and she didn't have time to wait for the crowd to dissipate.

'Want a hand with those bags, mom?'

Mrs Green turned to see her daughter standing behind her.

'Oh Doreen, there you are.' Mrs Green sighed thankfully. 'Please, take some of these bags will you? You won't believe all the fuss I had trying to find a way back to Avengers Mansion. There's been some sort of fight with Stilt-Man or something. Wait… where's Hildy?'

_**ZAM!**_

'Squirrel Girl' pulled out a laser pistol and stunned Mrs Green. She then spoke into a wrist-mounted communicator device.

'Mission accomplished. The bait has been caught.'

'Excellent.' Loki's voice responded from the communicator. 'You know what to do now. Enjoy yourself. Have a little mischief.'

**TBC…**

* * *

**Next: Tears of a Clone- Part 2**

_Will Squirrel Girl be able to rescue her mother from the clutches of her evil clone? Tune in next time to find out!_

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Doom is of course referring to the other members of the Uncanny Cabal (check out _'The Uncanny Cabal' _for further details). _

**(2)- **_Squirrel Girl defeated Doctor Doom way back in _Marvel Super-Heroes Winter Special #8.

**(3)- **_Squirrel Girl teamed up with Daredevil against the Owl in the short-lived '_Uncanny Team-Up'_._


	7. Tears of a Clone: Part 2

**Uncanny Squirrel Girl**

**Chapter 7: Tears of a Clone- Part 2**

**By**

**The Uncanny R-Man**

* * *

**Disclaimer-** _All familiar characters belong to Marvel Comics._

* * *

**Avengers Mansion-**

Squirrel Girl and Hildy waked into Avengers Mansion. Hildy couldn't wait to tell the Avengers about her first defeat of a supervillain.

'Just wait until the Avengers hear of my heroic exploits!' The young Asgardian proclaimed. 'The story of my defeat of the one known as Stilt-Man will surely go down in history!'

'I don't want to burst your bubble sweetie, but pretty much everybody has defeated Stilt-Man before.' Squirrel Girl pointed out. 'Heck, I think I've beaten him five times this month already.'

'So my story will not become famous?' Hildy sighed sadly. Squirrel Girl simply nodded in response. Hildy pursed her lips in determination. 'Then we must search for more villains to fight! Come, to victory!'

Squirrel Girl held up her hand, silencing her young ward.

'Hey, where is everybody?' The bushy-tailed heroine thought out loud. 'There must be somebody here. Cap? Jarvis?'

'Ah, Miss Green. Thank goodness you're here!' Jarvis, the Avengers' loyal butler, sighed in thanks as he poked his head around the corner. 'I knew that impostor couldn't have been you.'

'Tony and the others dashed off to fight her.' Steve Rogers added. He was still under doctor's orders to stay home after his ordeal at the hands of the Acolytes. **(1)** 'We all thought that you were under mind control.'

'Although, Master Parker was willing to bet money that the impostor was a clone.' Jarvis added. 'Miss Walters wagered that it was a Space Phantom or similar.'

'If somebody's impersonating me and causing trouble, then I have to get back out there and stop her!' Squirrel Girl frowned.

'What are we waiting for?' Hildy asked. 'If she is besmirching your name, then she must be stopped!'

'No Hildy, you're staying here.' Squirrel Girl shook her head. 'This is too dangerous for you. I have to do this myself.'

'That's not all...' Cap continued. 'It's all over the TV. She's fighting Spider-Man and the Black Cat on top of the George Washington Bridge. She has your mother.'

'Whoever she is, she's gone too far!' Squirrel Girl frowned angrily. 'Hildy, stay here with Cap and Jarvis. They'll take care of you while I'm gone.' The young Asgardian stepped forward. 'Hildy, no.' Squirrel Girl told her young protégée. 'It's bad enough that this impostor has my mother. I can't risk you getting hurt as well.'

Hildy simply nodded in response and stood back while her mentor dashed off to deal with her doppelganger.

* * *

**George Washington Bridge-**

The Squirrel Girl doppelganger tapped the defeated Spider-Man with the tip of her boot. She let out a disgusted sigh at the ease she had defeated the Avengers.

'So much for the World's Mightiest Heroes.' The bushy-tailed villainess sniffed. 'Maybe I'll go see the X-Men. Then we can see who's really the best at whatever it is Wolverine does.'

'You'll never get away with this!' Mrs Green yelled at her captor. 'My daughter will find out what you've done!'

'Oh, I'm banking on that.' The evil Squirrel Girl grinned. 'I'll this silliness is just my way of calling her out. Squirrel Girl is supposed to be some great hero. She's beaten Doctor Doom and Thanos. Let's see how she deals with somebody that's her equal!'

The evil squirrel Girl stopped her boasts as she heard the sound of helicopter rotor blades. However, this wasn't a news helicopter investigating the trouble atop the bridge. It was the real Squirrel Girl riding her Squirrel-A-Gig.

'The guest of honour.' The evil Squirrel Girl smiled. 'About time too. I was starting to get bored.'

The Squirrel-A-Gig landed on the bridge below the villainess and Squirrel Girl clambered up the cables to her opponent.

'Mom, are you okay?' Squirrel Girl asked as she reached her bound mother.

'Oh, I'm fine, sweetie.' Mrs Green told her daughter. 'I lost the shopping bags though. Jarvis won't be mad will he?'

'You've got more important things to worry about than lost shopping, honey.' The evil Squirrel Girl laughed. 'Are we going to fight or stand here gossiping like old women?'

'Fine.' Squirrel Girl sighed. 'I'll found out who sent you after I've kicked your butt!'

'Strong words, sweetie.' The evil Squirrel Girl remarked. 'Let's see how strong you really are!'

The evil Squirrel Girl swung a punch at her heroic counterpart, only for her to easily dodge out the way. Squirrel Girl then lashed out with her tail in an attempt to sweep her doppelganger off her feet, but she leapt out of the way. The evil Squirrel Girl leapt at the heroine with a hiss, her claws bared. Squirrel Girl grabbed her opponent by the wrists and fell back, throwing her over her shoulder. The evil Squirrel Girl leapt to her feet and attempted to stamp on the heroine's tail, only for Doreen to pull her tail out of the way. It was clear that this fight wasn't going anywhere fast.

Unseen by the pair, Spider-Man was beginning to stir.

'Aww man, what happened...' The Wall-Crawler blinked his bleary eyes as he regained consciousness. Then his memories returned to him. 'Man, did I just get my butt kicked by a Squirrel Girl clone? Clones, why did it have to be clones?'

Spidey raised his head as he saw the two Squirrel Girls duking it out. He didn't need to be a genius to see that nobody was going to win the fight any time soon. He raised a hand and shot out a strand of webbing, nabbing the evil Squirrel Girl by the tail. The fluffy-tailed villainess stopped fighting to see what had become stuck in her tail.

'What the...?'

This momentary distraction allowed Squirrel Girl a chance to attack. She swept her opponent's legs from under her, sending her tumbling over to the edge of the bridge.

'Nice distraction.' The evil Squirrel Girl complimented the heroes. 'Not that it'll do you any good.'

'My brains must be more scrambled than I thought, 'cause I can't think of anything funny to say.' Spidey said as he yanked the webbing attached to the evil Squirrel Girl's tail, sending her tumbling over the edge of the bridge.

'Argh! Dammit!' The evil Squirrel Girl curses as she dangled over the bridge by her tail. 'You have no idea how painful this is! You're gonna pull by tail out by the root, you sons of...'

'Ah-ah, watch the language.' Spider-Man tutted. 'Unless you want me to lose my grip.' The Web-Slinger turned to check on his teammates. 'You okay there, SG?'

'Thanks, Spidey.' Squirrel Girl thanked her friend as she untied he mother. 'Will Black Cat be okay?'

'Aww, she'll be fine.' Spidey responded. 'The Cat's had worse. She'll be mad she missed the fight though.'

* * *

**Meanwhile-**

Unknown by Squirrel Girl and her friends, Loki was keeping a watch on them through a magical scrying pool.

'Pity my magical copy couldn't beat the heroes.' Loki muttered to himself. 'Not that it would matter if she defeated the heroes or not. It was all a distraction so my plans could continue unabated.'

'Do you godly types always talk to yourselves?'

Loki spun around to see Parker Robbins, also known as the Hood, standing in his doorway.

'So, why did you want to see me?' The Hood enquired. 'You got this team gathered together and everybody's got their own jobs to do except me. You'd better not have brought me back to life just to stand around looking awesome.'

'I have a task for you, Mr Robbins...' Loki said as he beckoned the hooded villain closer. 'I'm going to send you to Hell's Kitchen...'

**TBC...**

* * *

**Next: To Hell's Kitchen And Back**

_Squirrel Girl takes Hildy to Hell's Kitchen to meet Daredevil. Unfortunately, the Hood chooses that time to ferment a gang war._

* * *

**Author's Notes-**

**(1)- **_Captain America has badly beaten by the Acolytes in Chapter 31 of _'The Uncanny Avengers'.


End file.
